Molded

November 10, 2014 was the last time I blogged. Yeesh.

Something is on my mind and it feels heavier than usual, so I'll jot it down here in hopes that maybe, just maybe, someone might benefit. Of course my motives are selfish because I just need to get this out of my head.

Why is it that we are so moldable? 
I find myself trying really hard to be true to who I am. Trying to be honest in all interactions whether it be at work, at home, with friends, around strangers, at church, what the heck even at the store. But then there are times where it is so easy for me to try to fit the mold that others put out, and I believe this to be a very natural thing we all tend to fall into.

-Am I going to be accepted by these people?
-Should I keep to myself and avoid any awkwardness?
-Do I even try to put myself out there?
-What if they don't like what they see?
-Am I going to be fun enough?
-What can I do or say to draw attention to myself?
-Do I have to lower my standards to not look like an oddball?
-What do people see in me?

And then Amandine becomes something she isn't.

Last night I stayed up late, sitting in my bed, trying to wrap my mind around these thoughts.
Who am I?
It has never come to me so strongly.
It made me seriously question myself for the first time in quite a while.
Who am I??
Am I being truly honest?
Can't I just be true to myself?

Food for thought I guess...

garbanzo

Right off the bat,
I love these people. 

I don't think I express my love to my family quite enough. Blogging about it is lame, but I just want the world to know that I am one lucky girl with one grandiose familia. 

 

Halloween was a blast.
To be honest, it's my least favorite holiday, but this year I put effort into it and got a lot out!

As a family, we totally nailed it. 

Friday, I checked out the art stroll on center street in Provo.
I was privileged to meet some stellar artists and eat some stellar food! 

(it's almost christmas)

(hello bruges. you are more than welcome to be a part of my everyday life from now on)

(hear me out. so whimsical)

Saturday was the perfect day to go hiking.
Squaw peak in all its grandest. 

Seriously, Utah, you're awesome. 

I got all artsy fartsy a few days back

(surprise)
and forgot to post these projects. 

Pleasing. 

In closing (photowise...)

Laurine and I went out for a photo shoot on Sunday. 

Neither of us knew what we were doing...

but she has a dang beautiful face and I love her to pieces.
So there. 

Go psuedo senior pictures. 

AND for some awesome news!!! 

I have adopted a new motto. 

"What's there to lose?" 

So, I've been doing things out of the blue...

Example: 

Recently I've been feeling more and more that I really need to properly invest in photography. 

Make it a big part of my life. 

Invest.
So I found someone on facebook. 

Justin Hackworth. 

NBD, he's just super well-known in Provo and I love his stuff. 

He has no idea who I am and I've never met him.

So I messaged him this: 

Greetings!
My name is Amandine and I am super interested in and impressed by your work!
I've been wanting to invest more of my time in photography and learn more about it but I've hit a wall...
I've never taken any classes and I'm pretty much self taught, which isn't very much:/ I've been looking around for connections and good resources and I've heard your name come up quite a bit with the rooftop concerts and local events.
Would you be able to help me out?
I want to take photography to a new level and really push myself in that area.
I wasn't sure that this would be the best way to go about doing this, but hey, what's there to lose?
Sincerely.

And then I waited for days. 

Ok, only 3.
BUT IT FELT LIKE 293487329847123. 

And then he answered.
And I screamed and danced and smiled my face off. 

And listened to this song 3 times. 

I'm mega mega pumped. 

More to come hopefully!